Why Smart Women Stay Stuck At Life's Biggest Moments - And How To Stop Self-Sabotage Today

By Hedi Schaefer

Do you know that 3 AM feeling?

The house is still.

The world is quiet.

But your mind?

Racing.

You’re on the edge of something big. And you know it.

A career pivot you’ve dreamed about.

A relationship shift that demands courage.

A creative calling you’ve shoved aside for “someday.”

You’ve got the vision. The skills.

Heck, you even mapped the plan in your journal margins six months ago.

So why are you still stuck?

I want to tell you something tender and true. Because I’ve been here too:

It’s not fear.

It’s not even confidence.

You’re just tangled in something deeper.

Something no one really talks about.

1. The Permission Trap

We’ve been taught to be considerate. To think it through. To not be “too much.”

So when a big decision shows up, we wait.

🛑 For someone to say “Yes, now’s the time.”

🛑 For conditions to line up perfectly.

🛑 For everyone around us to approve.

We tell ourselves we’re being responsible. But underneath it all?

We’re waiting for permission.

And it’s a sneaky form of self-sabotage in high heels.

The women who make moves?

They don’t wait for permission.

They give it to themselves.

2. The Timing Myth

We tell ourselves we’ll leap later

• When the kids are older.

• When our finances feel safer.

• When things “settle down.”

Here’s the real deal:“Perfect timing” is a fairy tale.

Readiness isn’t external.

It’s internal.

It happens the moment you decide to stop waiting and start walking.

The women you admire didn’t wait for green lights.They made the light by moving.

3. The Edge Advantage

That nervous-excited-what-am-I-even-doing feeling? That’s not a sign to stop.

That’s actually your edge.

And the edge is exactly where your growth lives.

I know it feels uncomfortable.

But you’re not in danger. You’re in transition.

And the equation is simple:

Comfort = maintenance.

Discomfort = expansion.

So, tell yourself proactively: You’re not stuck. You’re evolving.

4. The Chapter Metaphor

Here’s a reframe that changed everything for me:

Life is chapters.

And you hold the pen.

You don’t need anyone to tell you it’s time to start the next one.

You just have to write the next sentence.

You’re not being reckless.

You’re being real.

Because staying in a chapter that’s outgrown you?

That’s the real risk.

5. How to Stop the Self-Sabotage Cycle

If you’re nodding and whispering “yes,” here’s where to start — gently but powerfully:

✅ Make micro-commitments.

Tiny steps. One email. One conversation. One hour blocked off for you.

Small moves compound. Resistance melts.

✅ Build real accountability.Text a friend. Hire a coach. Say it out loud.

You don’t need approval. Just someone who’ll walk beside you.

✅ Set a decision deadline. Choose a date. Mark it. Commit.

Indecision is draining. Action builds energy.

✅ Document your growth. Write what you learn. How you feel. What shifts.

You’ll start seeing how far you’ve already come.

Your Time Is Now

The title of this letter isn't motivational rhetoric. It's a statement of fact.

Your time is now because now is the only time you have. Stop self-sabotage now!

Moving from the edge into your next chapter requires a systematic approach that honors both your analytical nature and your need for forward momentum.

Start with micro-commitments. Instead of planning the entire transformation, identify the smallest possible action you can take today that moves you toward your goal. Make it so small that resistance becomes irrelevant.

The past is information. The future is possibility. But action only happens in the present moment.

You've been preparing for this transition longer than you realize. Every skill you've developed, every challenge you've navigated, every decision you've made has been building toward this moment of choice.

The woman on the edge of her next chapter isn't stuck. She's poised. She's ready. She's you.

The only question left is what you'll do with that readiness.

Your next chapter is waiting. Not for perfect conditions or universal approval or guaranteed outcomes. It's waiting for you to decide that your growth matters more than your comfort, that your potential matters more than your fears, and that your time matters more than your hesitation.

The edge isn't where you get stuck. It's where you get started.

Write the next sentence! You've got this.

Hedi Schaefer

Hedi Schaefer is a global speaker and transformation expert blending innovation, identity work, and deep healing. Learn more at hedischaefer.com or connect on Instagram @hedi_schaefer / Linked In. Want more updates on the 3 Cs of Change? Register for the Change_liscious News here