The Hidden Truth About Identity Work
- Hedi
- Jul 1
- 3 min read
By Hedi Schaefer
Most people get identity work backwards. They focus on changing what others can see:
The new habits,
different behaviors,
or updated goals.
The external stuff that feels concrete and measurable. But research reveals something counterintuitive about how identity actually shifts.
The Inside-Out Problem
Identity shifting requires changing who you are at the core first, rather than forcing yourself toward external goals.
Most people struggle with significant transformation because they try changing the outside world without changing the inside. I was there and it was a constant battle.
Today, I continue to see this pattern everywhere.
Someone wants to become more confident, so they practice confident behaviors.
Someone wants to be healthier, so they focus on diet and exercise routines.
The behaviors matter. Yes! But they're not where transformation starts. At least not the sustainable kind.
The Emotional Exhaustion Factor
Here's what no one talks about: hiding parts of yourself creates a mental breaking point.
Research shows that people will eventually unveil hidden aspects of their identity due to emotional exhaustion.
The tension generated by concealing core traits ultimately causes a breakdown that makes us "explode."
This explains why surface-level changes feel so draining. You're not just learning new behaviors. You're actively suppressing parts of yourself that want to emerge.
The energy required is unsustainable.
Why Most Identity Work Fails
Traditional approaches often treat identity like a project. Or like an add on to:
Set goals!
Track progress!
Measure the outcomes!!
But identity can be modified, it's not fixed. This makes it a powerful key to changing unhealthy behaviors and becoming the person who lives their vision and creates new, successful realities.
Identity work isn’t about optimization or productivity hacks. It’s about healing and adapting to a new way of thinking...every time you level up by letting go of limiting beliefs and patterns.
The Real Process
Successful identity transformation happens in layers. My clients and I call it "the onion work".
1) First, you acknowledge what you've been hiding or suppressing. The parts of yourself that don't fit your current identity but keep pushing for expression.
2) Then you examine why those parts developed. What function do they serve? What are or were they protecting you from? Whose beliefs are they, really...yours, or someone else’s, like your parents'? And most importantly, why you can finally let them go. For good.
3) Finally, you integrate them not by waiting for exhaustion or crisis to force change, but by consciously releasing them and wiring in a powerful new belief instead. You do this by working with your subconscious mind: the powerhouse that drives 95% of your behavior. (See earlier articles.)
4) Showing up differently. You now carry a new belief system, often feeling lighter, and definitely more empowered. Both about yourself and others. As a result, you shape your reality differently. You react differently. No more forcing, trying, or managing. Just being a more powerful version of you!
What This Changes
Understanding identity work as an inside-out process changes everything about how you approach personal growth.
Instead of forcing behaviors that feel foreign, and therefore rarely stick, you start with internal alignment. Rather than relying on willpower, you use self-awareness and rewiring to become the version of yourself who naturally embodies the habits you desire.
External changes become effortless expressions of internal shifts,. Not performances you have to maintain!
Now It's YOUR TURN
Your identity isn’t something you wait to become...or work endlessly to earn. No. It’s something you decide to embody… one aligned belief—and the energy that comes with it—at a time.
Here are 3 Powerful Action Steps to get started today:
1. Pause and Reflect. Ask yourself: What parts of me have I been hiding to fit a version of myself that no longer feels true? This is where the real work begins. Not with action, but with honest! awareness.
2. Choose One Belief to Release. Find one outdated belief that is attached to that and no longer serves you. It might not even be yours. Name it. Acknowledge it. And decide, today, that you’re ready to let it go.
3. Rewire and Realign. Visualize the version of you who no longer carries that belief. What do they think? How do they act? Start becoming that version now: through repetition, self-compassion, and subconscious alignment.
The real difference between those who create lasting success and those who struggle for years? They work with their identity, not against it. They stop hustling and start aligning.
The difference is everything. So ask yourself: What are you choosing today?
Hedi Schaefer is a coach for Subconscious Rewiring for Visionary Leaders, creator of the 3Cs of Change, global speaker and transformation expert blending innovation, identity work, and deep healing. Learn more at hedischaefer.com or connect on Instagram @hedi_schaefer / Linked In
Comments