Stop the Overwhelm: Why "Having It All" Is Burning Us Out — And What to Do Instead

By Hedi Schaefer

Having it all sounds like freedom.

But so often, it feels like a trap.

Lately, I’ve been noticing it more than ever—in my clients, my friends, and even in myself when I’m not paying attention.

Brilliant women. Driven men. Loving parents.All quietly drowning under the weight of everything.

Lawyers pulling 70-hour weeks while trying to be present for their kids. Doctors who give their best energy to patients, then collapse when they get home. Caretakers running on empty, juggling full-time work with full-time responsibility.

And underneath it all is this silent, shame-soaked question:

Why can’t I do it all?

But maybe the better question is:

Why did we ever believe we should?

We’ve Been Set Up - Stop The Overwhelm

The cultural promise of “having it all” has become one of the most dangerous myths of our time.

We’re told we can and should pursue career success, perfect parenting, a thriving relationship, a sculpted body, personal growth, and social impact... simultaneously.

Bonus points if you make it look easy on Instagram.

But the reality?

It's chronic exhaustion, masked as ambition.

Gallup found that 76% of employees experience burnout.

For women, the numbers climb higher, with 32% more burnout than their male colleagues.

And it’s not just work. It’s home. It’s caregiving. It’s invisible labor.

We’ve created a society where the people who care the most are asked to carry the most. With the least support.

The Math Doesn’t Work

Let’s be honest: 40-hour workweeks often aren’t 40 hours.

They're 60.

Plus emails on the couch.

Mental load at midnight.

And somehow, we’re still expected to hit the gym, cook organic meals, nurture our relationships, and be "present" parents.

But presence requires energy. And when your tank is on empty, that’s the first thing to go.

Working mothers earn 35% less than fathers, and many high-achieving women remain childless. Not by desire, but because the numbers simply don’t add up.

We cannot optimize everything at once.

When you try to be excellent everywhere, something breaks.

Often, it’s your health.

Sometimes, your marriage.

Too often, it’s your sense of self.

The Hidden Cost of Everything

Here’s what breaks my heart: I see friends missing moments they can’t get back. Bedtime stories, spontaneous cuddles, joyful dinners, because they’re buried under a to-do list that never ends. Research shows that 83% of workers report their personal relationships suffer due to work burnout. The very connections we work to provide for become casualties of our ambition.

I see clients in survival mode, chasing titles and milestones that were supposed to feel good… but don’t.

And I know this intimately, because I’ve been there too.

The lie we’re sold is that more is better. That striving equals worth.

But real success?

It feels like ease. It feels like alignment. It gives back as much as it takes.

So What’s the Alternative?

This isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about raising your focus.

It’s about moving from chronic busyness to conscious clarity. There is a way to stop the overwhelm.

Try this shift:

Instead of asking:

“How can I have it all?”

Ask:

“What matters most right now?”

That one question changes everything.

The Three Tools That Actually Work

Here’s what I practice (and help my clients do):

Values-Based Filtering

If something doesn’t align with your deepest values, it’s a no. Even if it’s shiny, prestigious, or hard to walk away from.

Seasonal Thinking

You don’t have to build your empire, raise a family, and heal your inner child all in the same quarter. Some seasons are for ambition. Some are for nurturing. Trust the rhythm.

Ruthless Subtraction

For every “yes,” find two “nos.” Not to be rigid, but to stay clear. This is how you make space for what actually matters.

The Power of Enough

“Having it all” assumes that more is always better.

But I found that enough is where the peace lives. Because from here you can build better.

• Enough career to feel purposeful.

• Enough love to feel supported.

• Enough time to feel alive again.

  
  

And enough isn’t settling. It’s sovereignty. Gratitude. Creating from a full cup.

Your Life, Your Choice

If there’s one question I want to leave you with, it’s this:

What would you pursue if you knew you couldn’t fail—and no one would judge you for it?

Not what you were told to want.

Not what looks good on LinkedIn.

But what feels like you.

Most people find that the answer is quieter than they expected… and far more true.

The myth of “having it all” begins to dissolve the moment you realize:

You never wanted it all.

You just wanted what matters.

Let that be enough.

Because it is.

With love,

Hedi

Hedi Schaefer

Hedi Schaefer is a global speaker and transformation expert blending innovation, identity work, and deep healing. Learn more at hedischaefer.com or connect on Instagram @hedi_schaefer / Linked In. Want more updates on the 3 Cs of Change? Register for the Change_liscious News here